


Céad Míle Fáilte Roimh Arrachtaigh

by Ononymous



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, St. Patrick's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 20:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14004630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: On Saint Patrick's Day, Papyrus encounters a mysterious short fellow with a tempting offer.





	Céad Míle Fáilte Roimh Arrachtaigh

At last, it arrived. And just in time too!

After carefully hanging up his ruby-red cape, Papyrus' bony fingers deftly sliced through the sellotape binding the package he just had delivered to him. Opening it and carefully placing the additional wrapping aside, his prize was revealed in a flash of emerald.

"NYEH HEH HEH! PERFECT!"

A few seconds later another cape adorned his shoulders, its hue clashing brilliantly with the red and blue of his battle body. It should be enough to avoid the horror stories of pinching that Frisk had told him about. Humans had the strangest customs sometimes.

"NOW IF I HAVE TO GO ANYWHERE, I SHAN'T BE PINCHED."

However Papyrus didn't have anywhere to go just yet, so instead he sat down before the television. There was a parade going on in town, and word of the custom must have spread, for at the very least every monster had a green ribbon tied to a tentacle or tail. Meanwhile Mettaton, naturally in the middle of the parade itself, had put a little more effort into it, replacing most of his pink body plating with green. As to be expected he looked stunning.

"WOWIE, OLIVIA ORMSDOTTER LOOKS RATHER UPSET ABOUT THIS WHOLE SAINT PATRICK'S DAY OCCASION. I WONDER WHY? HER SCALES ARE THE PERFECT SHADE OF GREEN. AND HER FANGS COMPLIMENT THEM FLAWLESSLY!"

Before he could ponder on parts of the legend he had not yet learned about, there was a sharp, rapid knock on the door. As was typical for him he got up and opened it at once. It took him a moment to spot his visitor.

"GREETINGS, VIRIDIAN-CLAD DIMINUTIVE HAIRY HUMAN!"

The visitor was briefly taken aback at who lived in the house he visited, but recovered smoothly.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye, mister skeleton. But ye think I be human? For sure that's wrong. I be a leprechaun!"

"MY GOODNESS! ARE YOU A MONSTER LIKE I AM?"

The leprechaun's eyes darted around for a moment. "Oh, that ol' yarn? 'Two races ruled the earth'? Mighty bad craic that ye be forgettin' the Fair Folk."

"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T CHEAT AT ANYTHING? THAT'S WONDERFUL, NEITHER DO I!"

"No you id- ye eejit, the beings that live in the Fey an' only come out ev'ry now an' then. Leprechauns, Pixies, Fairies, Elves, all those folk. We leave youns alone to mess the planet up as ye see fit, 'cept when we want a bit of fun. An' I have an opportunity for yeh!"

Bony hands smothered the irrepressible smile. "TELL ME MORE!"

"Well, sure an' begorrah, 'tis most simple! Ye see that rainbow over thar?" Papyrus nodded. "Well if ye hurry over there before I do, ye get me pot o' gold!"

Papyrus did not necessarily look as excited as one might expect. "WHY WOULD I NEED GOLD? MONSTERS HAVE LOTS OF GOLD."

"Oh feck, you do?" The leprechaun shook his head "Well, maybe ye want a little extra o' the yellow stuff. Somethin ye can't quite afford?"

"HMM... WELL, SANS' HOT DOG CART IS RATHER WORN OUT. I'D LIKE TO REPLACE IT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY."

"My my, how thoughtful, mister skeleton! So, ye up for a bit of a dander?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT CANINE ALLERGENS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS, BUT I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!"

"Now hauld yer weesht a minute, there be a flip side. Ye have ta bet somethin' in return, an' if I win I get it!"

"LIKE WHAT?"

"Howsabout..." he stroked his ginger beard, "like for like. Ye get me gold or I get yers."

"THAT'S A REMARKABLY RISKY WAGER."

"Can ye afford that cart in time?"

"I COULD ALWAYS ASK THE KING FOR SOME FUNDS, HE'S A PUSHOVER."

"Oh dear, 'tis a great shame in the Emerald Isle to be in the debt of royalty."

"IT IS? BUT I COULD PAY HIM BACK."

"Not the point, boyo. Besides, this way ye earn all the money yerself an' keep the rest. Isn't it best to earn off yet own sweat? Er, figuratively speaking, I'd never presume skeletons could sweat."

"OH WE CAN," the leprechaun looked puzzled, "BUT THE METAPHORICAL SWEAT WOULD BE BEST USED TO HELP THE LESS FORTUNATE, NO?"

"An' ye can do that if ye like."

"YOU'RE RIGHT! SO ONCE AGAIN, I ACCEPT!"

"Bang on! It'll be a right gas! Oh, can ye get yer money ready so ye can give it once ye lose?"

Papyrus obeyed without question, returning a couple of minutes later with his orange coinsack.

The leprechaun frowned. "Don't care fer the colour."

"YOU DISLIKE ORANGE? WHY?"

"Long story." He muttered something about a man called 'Shaymus a Kaha' under his breath. "Now, ye ready?"

"YES!"

"Set?"

"YES!"

The leprechaun took off, surprisingly quick given his stride length, laughing at his growing headstart.

_PING._

His green clothing turned cyan as he was suddenly hoisted back to Papyrus' doorstep.

"MISTER LEPRECHAUN, YOU FORGOT TO SAY 'GO'. SURELY YOU WERE SO EXCITED YOU FORGOT, BUT I MUST INSIST THE FAIR FOLK LIVE UP TO THEIR NAME!"

"I told you already, that's not-" He took a deep breath. "Of course, laddie. But, could ye not use that trick in the proper race? 'Twould be most unsportin', and beware a man who leaves a leprechaun scundered."

"OF COURSE."

"Dead on, then. _Readysetgo!_ "

Papyrus was set before the leprechaun said ready, and the two of them sprang from the starting line at the same time. The bony stride of the truly multicolour skeleton kept easy pace with the furious pumpings of the leprechaun.

"SANS, THAT CART IS AS GOOD AS YOURS!"

This was confirmed in his mind when he turned right at a street to better steer towards where those six bright lights shone into the cloudless sky and the leprechaun headed straight on in the wrong direction. There was no obligation to inform a competitor he had made an error, that was for him to discover and correct.

Or so Papyrus thought. Two blocks later the lights began to move. After a minute he was the one going the wrong way, and the leprechaun's chosen path left him closer to the prize.

"NYAH!"

Meanwhile the leprechaun had slown to a leisurely joke. Too easy. By the time Bony McBoneface realised his mistake he'd be ages away and could never catch up. The lads were in place just in case, but he wouldn't have to call them-

"HELLO AGAIN!"

"Oh Jaysus!"

"I MUST SAY RAINBOWS ARE A LOT MORE UNPREDICTABLE THAN I READ ABOUT UNDERGROUND. THEY DON'T USUALLY MOVE LIKE THAT. AND COME TO THINK OF IT, DON'T THEY USUALLY FORM ONLY WHEN IT'S RAINING?"

"Uh, I couldn't tell ye, but fair play on catchin' up."

The leprechaun then looked at his watch, fiddling with it in a way Papyrus couldn't see. He should have started his own stop watch, he'd have liked to get his time for this race.They soon left town, running on the main road. It looked like the very straight rainbow ended in one of the patches of forest that checkered the countryside. Once again, the leprechaun suddenly seemed to make a grievous error and turn off a side road, clearly leading away from the rainbow. Papyrus laughed in delight. The delight lasted a good ten minutes, before the lights began to move once again.

"CONFUNDED WEATHER PATTERNS!"

Okay, that had to have been a long enough gap to lead him off the path this time. Now he could definitely cut them out now, it was in their contract-

"HOW DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW TO CHANGE COURSE BEFORE THE RAINBOW DOES?"

"AH, FECK! I mean, uh, by the Giant's Causeway, ye be a nimble bein'. An', uh, we leprechauns are attuned to the mood of a rainbow. Nae mortal can sense it."

"I SEE. WELL I SUPPOSE THAT'S JUST A NATURAL ADVANTAGE I MUST CONTEND WITH. I SHALL FOLLOW YOU!"

Bollocks. Well, better to get something than nothing. He fiddled with his watch again, and the two ran in silence for another twenty minutes, the beams of light growing ever closer.

"Oh Jaysus Mary and Joseph-!" The leprechaun had suddenly tripped and tumbled over, crumpling into a dusty heap that steadily shrank behind Papyrus.

"NYEH-HAH! PLEASE DON'T HAVE A MOOD MISTER RAINBOW! OR MADAM, I'M NOT SURE."

The rainbow's mood remained a passive one as it grew ever larger and Papyrus grew ever more sure of success. He darted off the path into a dense forested area, ran around four trees, between a fifth and sixth and through a seventh. There was a clearing ahead, that must be it!

"AH HA!"

Skidding to a halt in victory, Papyrus looked over to the source of the rainbow. That was odd, he never thought rainbows would be attached to six stage lights on top of a van. Before he could think about this, the doors opened, and four burly men climbed out.

"Give us the money."

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

"You heard, give us your money."

"I CAN GLADLY LEND YOU TODAY FOR REPAYMENT ON TUESDAY."

"Yeah, no, that ain't happening. Give it."

"BUT... THAT'S THEFT!"

"Hey guys, he's gettin' it!" They laughed menacingly.

"WELL I REFUSE. I WON THE RACE FAIR AND SQUARE, IT IS THE LEPRECHAUN WHO SHOULD RENDER HIS MONEY TO ME."

"An' since when the feck were you in control?"

The leprechaun had emerged into the clearing. His hat and jacket missing, his hair a lot less ginger.

"MISTER LEPRECHAUN, EXPLAIN TO THESE GENTLEMEN-"

His laugh stopped Papyrus in his tracks. "I'm not a leprechaun, you dunce. You believe anything said out of anyone's arse?"

"I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE- WAIT, YOU'RE NOT IRISH?"

"Oh I am. But do you think any wee'un born this century would ever say 'Sure and Begorrah'?"

"I COULDN'T TELL YOU, MY CONCEPT OF 'IRELAND' WAS NONEXISTANT BEFORE THE BARRIER BROKE."

"Don't care. These folk are rubbish at doin' the accent, an' they're all too tall anyway. Only I could pull off the scam. But naw, you couldn't just lose a race. So I'll make it clear: Give us the money you have, or we beat you up."

"I... I MUST PROTEST! THE FAIR FOLK CLEARLY HAVE A LONG HERITAGE OF ABIDING BY THE CONDITIONS THEY AGREE TO, EVEN IF THERE IS SOME JAPERY IN THE FINER DETAILS."

"Oh god, shut your hole. I told you that's now what the Fair Folk means and I'm not a fecking-"

"He's right, ye know."

Everyone turned at the seventh voice. A man of similar height to the fake leprechaun, dressed remarkably similar, except most of his garments were red. His ginger beard stabbed beyond the rim of his hat into the sunlight, as his slightly pointed ears twitched in what could only be amusement.

"You... who are..."

"Ye've been a naughty boy, Peter." He flinched at the name. "An' on all days. Dear Saint Patrick never cared for sheep on the slopes of Mount Slemish or drove the snakes from Ireland so ye could go around connin' innocent people."

"OH! THAT MUST HAVE BEEN WHY OLIVIA WAS UPSET..."

"Yer speel was a fine yarn, lad. An' for sure closer than ye might think. But when mortals go around makin' agreements in the name of us Fae an' breakin' them, well that gets me rag. I kin break me own agreements, thanks. Should've stuck to runnin'."

"Ah go walk up the Shankill in a Celtic shirt, you gobshite!"

"It's good craic to do that for us Leprechauns actually. But I've more banter for ye. It's wishes we grant, not gold, an' only if ye catch us. An' read some Samuel Lovers, there are more colours in Ireland than green."

"I couldn't give a toss. Lads, get him!"

Two disobeyed, for they suddenly shimmered blue and were slammed against the van. The other two lunched, but it was like they grabbed air, for he was suddenly two feet to his right. Peter immediately sensed this was not going to go his way, and decided to repeat the mistake of Carthage in not paying his men and leaving them.

"JUST A MOMENT!"

He really was a fast runner, but Papyrus was a skeleton. He caught up to Peter in no time and seized him around the waist, turning his trousers cyan once again to cease most restraint. Returning to the clearing with his quarry, he saw the battle continuing. The two men punched each other at least once as the Leprechaun was amazingly nimble. He then proceeded to lob acorns at them. This did about as much damage as one might expect, but before they could shrug and resume the fray, there was a mild tremor, and a dense cluster of oak trees sprouted and swelled to a tremendous size in seconds, conveniently constricting them between the trunks and branches. Looking impressed for a moment, Papyrus proceeded to pin Peter to his companions on the van."

"Ach, ye did a fine job with those eejits, boyo," said the Leprechaun. "I've missed seein' monsters in the world. Always felt a little bad when I tricked youns. Sorry about what ever this gobshite from County Derry promised, 's not worth his tacky jacket."

"SO SHOULD WE ALERT THE POLICE?"

"Nah, I'll have the devil put the come hither on them. Should scare 'em straight. Here, does Asgore Dreemurr still be yer king?"

"INDEED."

"Always had a good tea-head, he did. Tell him Ruairi O'Cleirigh says hello. Might be seein' more of us folk now youns've livened up the place."

"THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL!"

"Careful, lad. Ye weren't wrong when ye said we like a good jape. I'll give ye a free one, but didnae expect us all te go easy on yeh."

"CONSIDER THE GREAT PAPYRUS FULLY WARNED!"

"Good job, then. Right, now to-"

_PING._

Ruairi's clothes turned magenta as he suddenly soared into Papyrus' clutches.

"NYEH HEH HEH! I'VE CAUGHT YOU! NOW I GET A WISH!"

Ruairi laughed gracefully. "Well begorrah, fair play Papyrus! Must say it's been ages since I tangled with another magic user, must be rustier than the _Titanic_. It's gonna be great craic. Now then, ye get three wishes."

"I REQUIRE ONLY ONE! BUT FIRST..."

His bony fingers reached out and firmly pinched Ruairi's cheek.

"YOU AREN'T WEARING GREEN, SO YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE."

"Fair enough," he said, slightly less gracefully.

* * *

"cool cart, bro."

"I'M DELIGHTED YOU LIKE IT, SANS."

"where'd ya get it?"

"A FRIEND OF THE KING HELPED ME ACQUIRE IT."

"cool. hey, grillby's still doin' them shamrock shakes. you want one?"

"NO THANK YOU. I'M A LITTLE FATIGUED WITH GREEN. PERHAPS I SHALL TRY PURPLE NEXT."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, and _Lá Fhéile Pádraig Shona!_


End file.
